Sunday, January 17, 2010
I think that slowly but surely I'm becoming okay with being alone (not in a relationship). I went to an engagement party today for one of my best friends and while there was a small amount of awkwardness, my being the only unattached person there (Sevrine doesn't count as a date), I didn't want to cry on the way home for my lack of a partner. Don't get me wrong, I was still a little sad that I don't have a partner right now, but for the first time in a while, it didn't make me want to cry. I felt a little bit more awkward there because even though I'm not much older than my friends, in maturity and our places in life, I'm way older. They are still fairly free to do the things they want without much planning, while I have to take several factors into account before I can even go to the grocery store. Part of me is jealous or their unfettered lifestyles, and part of me feels sorry for them because they don't have the experiences that having kids brings you. I guess I'm just feeling the divide between us get larger and larger the more time goes by. None of them are going through any of the same things that I am going through solely because I have a child. Maybe that's me isolating myself a little, but I find it harder and harder to relate sometimes because of it.