Friday, May 11, 2012

"The longer the wait, the sweeter the kiss"

I thought I was prepared. Being that our relationship is a long distance one, you would think that I would be handling this better.  I have come to need him and to hear his voice.  Hear him make fun of my car and talk about our future and what we want to do.  Every weeknight I call him on my way home from work.  It's 1 hour of uninterrupted time that we can catch up on the day or just talk about random stuff, with one or both of us blurting out what cool cars we've seen go by or which idiot is trying to turn into the exit of the Hyatt Resort.  My car ride home the last two nights was silent.  No phone call.

Yesterday when I was out I drove past the Riverview Toyota dealership on the way back from lunch and there was a Red Toyota FJ Trail Team edition sitting out front.  My first inclination was to text him, but I couldn't.  I think that was when it hit me.  I will still be able to talk to him through email and skype periodically, but the delay is killing me.  I didn't think that I had taken those conversations for granted, but I definitely appreciate them more now.

I read a saying "It doesn't get easier, you just get stronger", and I hope that that is true.  By some standards this deployment is a short one, being only 6 months, but at this very moment it seems like forever.  We'll get into a routine soon so it won't seem so bad, and I'll be writing down all of those little things that I wanted to tell him so he won't miss out.

You can try to prepare yourself, to set expectations of how different things will be when the person you love deploys, but no matter how well you think you've prepared, there are moments when you feel the absence more deeply than you could have imagined. Tomorrow I'll be strong, but tonight I just miss him.

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